I recently was writing a friend about some struggles she is having and through thinking about this conversation have begun to realize some sin in my own life that I have been avoiding….procrastinating, you might say ;)

“...it has been interesting (Im sure you can relate...) to be ripped away from everyone/the norm and start over on your own. Honestly this is my first time and I am struggling with it on several levels. i think my tendency to "stay busy" and not take time and create a space to reflect this past month has built up some tension inside..so im dealing with that. And am thankful that God is showing me these things so I can begin to work through them now!”


When we get settled into our daily routines sinful habits and patterns seem to blend in and sneak into our work and our relationships. In the past month and a half my life has changed in many ways….this has magnified some of the sins already in my heart that I have managed to conceal from myself or just pushed out of mind.
During my time here in Peru I have noticed my tendency to procrastinate and put off difficult tasks when I am not sure how to tackle them. Now to be fair a lot of these projects or tasks are ambivalent or lack a real timeline, but they are still things that need to be done. For example, working on the independent study course I am supposed to be taking, applying to different schools or writing to family and friends back home. Sometimes this even reaches into work tasks. I am in charge of starting a blog for the clinic and updating pictures. I have done this but am not sure what improvements to make or what to do next and so updating this just gets forgotten and put back on the bottom of the list of things that I need to get done. I am still quite functional and even have time to help others with things, but I have recently been feeling the need to address this issue honestly with myself. God has given me great gifts, responsibilities and opportunities…and I must be a good steward of all of those things. And I need to be consistent and intentional about that work!

The intern book this month “How People Change” spoke of how our actions and the responses that come out of the difficult situations or “heat” in our lives are really just reflections of the heart. I was reading Jeremiah 17 this morning and really thinking about this chapter. Here are a few verses:

5 Thus says the Lord:
“Cursed is the man who trusts in man
and makes flesh his strength,
whose heart turns away from the Lord.
6 He is like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see any good come.
He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
in an uninhabited salt land.
7 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
8 He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
9 The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?
10 “I the Lord search the heart
and test the mind,
to give every man according to his ways,
according to the fruit of his deeds.”

Reading this passage really reminded me of the roots of the problems I am finding myself in and that my actions and habits are not really due to culture shock or communication problems, etc. (Which are a definite reality and ever present temptation to blame!) But they are flowing out of my rebellious heart! However I find great comfort in the fact that “ God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46: 1)

In Jesus Christ, God has given us everything we need to overcome these struggles and addictions and patterns in our lives if we are in communion with Him and seeking His will. In spending time in reflection and prayer and with the help of the Spirit and with accountability from my brothers and sisters I hope to move forward through repentance and in faith that this is a situation that can change...now! ;)


10 “Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Psalm 46: 10-11